18 January 2013

Crazy in America.

What makes someone crazy to the outside world?

Take me for instance.

Am I crazy because I listen to death metal and dress in band shirts?
In the metal world it is an honor to have your band's shirt be worn. To them it means that their music has touched a fan enough for them to show support for them. We as fans know that at the local level, at least, bands rely on merch sales.

I get loud when I'm excited or passionate about something?
I really cannot help it, and often do not realize how loud I really am. I am outspoken. I express my opinion just as others do theirs. Perhaps it's because I'm so passionate and when I'm passionate about something I act on it and crave the debate?

Am I crazy because I take anti-psychotics and anti-depressants? Dumbass, they're supposed to keep me from going "crazy" whatever the fuck that is.

What about because I believe these Christmas lights help me write? They remind me of the days gone by where people used candlelight. When I'm writing, I imagine myself sitting at a desk in a room lit by 50 candles. The only noise is the noise in my headphones. The outside world does not exist while I'm writing. I'm busy plotting my character's next move or the next twist in the book. And yes, I wear a magical writing shawl crocheted (?) for  me by a bestie.

I bet I'd be labeled manic right now, simply because I'm daring to dream big and actually go for it. It seems society doesn't like that.

We're all supposed to just mindlessly earn enough paycheck to survive week to week... then have our taxes increased on us. We're not supposed to question authority or perceptions. We're supposed to accept our fate.

Are all big dreamers crazy and are all crazy people big dreamers?

Would Martin Luther have done what he done if he worried about being called crazy? I mean, seriously, he was excommunicated because he dared to defy the authority of the church and interpret scripture on his own. He dared translate the Latin Bible into German... a grave sin. He nailed his arguments about the church TO a church door. He also burned his excommunication.

Awesome stuff.

By today's standards he would have been labeled "crazy."

He would have been forced somehow into treatment, most likely because a person with his temperament, intelligence and balls is not going to be able to function in today's society. He'd be living off of Mommy and Daddy or sleeping on some dude's couch, trying to make ends meet. He likely wouldn't have insurance, or if he did he couldn't come up with the co-pay for psychiatric treatment if he did seek it.

How do I know? It happens every day now. Non-conformists are persecuted as crazy. Crazy people are still persecuted today. It happened to me. It can happen to anyone. No they're not tying us down with sheets and shocking the piss out of us anymore, but they are binding us. We're shunned because we are different. People can sense it. Some are more sensitive to it than others, but most people sense it. It scares a lot of people. It really scares people that I'm so open and honest about what I face and what I see other people face every day.

I've suffered through the system enough to know the most likely outcome of today's version of Martin Luther. He's going to be trapped in the system with endless red tape. He's going to fall through so many cracks it's unimaginable. When he decides he can't work because his job and living situation are driving him to suicidal thoughts, he has to lie about why he quit the job so he's not burned a bridge unnecessarily. He's going to apply for disability because his mental health is so unstable. He'll be denied 4 times. He'll be caught in that system as well. It's never gonna end for him until he wises up and figures out how the system works.

He would have been pumped full of drugs to control his behavior and mood. He'd think life kinda sucked a bit until he has his epiphany and puts his skills to use to try to change things and fix issues. He'll finally find meaning and purpose in life and feel like a human again and he'll make a name for himself, inadvertently, in this incarnation.

That's my version of it anyway.

So, am I crazy, eccentric or both? Does it really matter in the end as long as I use my energies to better mankind?

1 comment:

  1. Found your blog by chance. I don't think you are crazy. You summed it up perfectly. Sometimes when people don't know you, they label. Enjoyed. Your post!