14 February 2012

I Really Need My Abilify

I really need my Abilify. I've been out for like 5 days. Nobody at the Dr. office seems to be overly concerned with calling in a refill to the pharmacy. It's my fuck up that I'm out though. I was used to taking two 5 mg tablets so when I got the 10 mg tabs I kinda kept taking two instead of one so I'm out.

My niece, in continuance of her drama, has cut me out of her life because I treat her like shit and don't want her around unless it's convenient for me. I suppose it's supposed to hurt me. Really it doesn't.

I guess I am an asshole for that. I get really tired of her telling me that she's the only one in the family that doesn't think I'm a piece of shit and her trying to change me, make me more open and caring and all of that shit.

If one really gave a shit about me they would accept the fact that I'm not close to anyone but Dave, and that's only because he's been my boyfriend for almost 7 years. The only other person I remotely let close, and really she was kept at a distance as well, was my mother.

One should accept it that when something is pissing me off or depressing me, I don't want to talk about it unless it's with one of my counselors. Even then sometimes I make them work for their money. I may blog about something but this is my blog and I can say whatever I want here, not many people read it anyway.

One should accept that I have different views on family. We're not the fucking Waltons or Bradys. Our shit's dysfunctional as hell. I'm not a great aunt, nor do I really want to be. It's too much time and effort to be someone's emotional punching bag or go to gal. My role in this family is not to be everyone's best friend but be the truth-bringer, and the truth isn't pretty.

I have other shit to do, like actually graduate college, marry Dave, become a professor of History and live my life to my ideals and passions, not someone elses.

All of that said, Dave gets the result of his CT scan today (he had lymphoma which is supposed to be in remission now) and he sees the diabetic doctor. Hopefully all of his issues are due to diabetes and not lymphoma coming back for another visit.

07 February 2012

Apologies for Overreacting

The last blog of course created more fucking drama. This is the bullshit I got from my niece who apparently didn't read the entire thing. "Not trying to start drama, but what about overreacting to your niece, who has never done anything but try to help you, having any association with her father or uncle simply because they mistreated you in the past?" "You may not have asked for my help, but you didn't have throw it back at me without any type of even slight appreciation that someone in your family doesn't think you're a piece of shit. What I was mainly talking about was that when I overreact to someone, I at least apologize. It sets you off huh... do you remember back when you used to go fishing with Jeff? Yeah, the cousin who touched your precious niece that you claimed to care so much about? Do you ever think that that never hurt me or bothered me? But I never held it against you. It wasn't your fault he decided to lay his fingers on a 7 year old girl, his cousin at that. I never said anything about trying to be your mother. And age honestly doesn't matter as much as people think it does. Just because I'm nineteen doesn't make me fucking stupid... All I was mainly commenting for was a simple apology and then I was going to leave you alone and leave you to your life."


You want a apology? Fine. I'm fucking sorry that I ever let you anywhere near me. I'm sick of you trying to be my mom or my best friend. You don't understand your boundaries. I've tried to explain them many times but you overstep them. 


I'm fucking sorry I stuck my neck out on the line so you could get your GED and go piss away your college education because you would rather have hung out with friends instead of doing homework and getting good grades. Where's the appreciation I got for that? Do you realize how much shit I took from your beloved sperm donor and his wife? I'm sorry that I thought you were more mature than you are.


I'm sorry that you having a relationship with my brothers makes me trust you less. If you only knew the kind of people they really are you'd hate them as much as I do. But what does it matter anymore, family is shit to me. 


I'm sorry that you seem to like to throw it in my face that you're the only one who doesn't think I'm a piece of shit. I'm astutely aware of the fact that everybody but "you" thinks I'm a piece of shit, so why the fuck rub it in? You do everything in your power to try to trigger me and then talk down to me when I react or overreact.


You're not my fucking mother. You're not my best friend. You're not that close to me. We don't have that much in common. Stop expecting a fucking fairy tale family.

05 February 2012

Overreactions

I was going to call this blog Overreactions and Bipolar or OMFG DRAMA, but people in general are prone to overreactions and drama naturally finds me. I've overreacted plenty of times myself and am by no means perfect but at least I've learned from my mistakes. There are lots of ways to tell if you're overreacting to something or someone. There are also telltale signs that you are in the frame of mind to overreact.

First, if you're wearing your heart on your sleeve it's bound to get stabbed. Second, if you're even slightly depressed over whatever issue you're likely to overreact. Third, if you have a history of overreacting you're likely to overreact. Fourth, if you have some mental illness, like bipolar, you're definitely prone to overreacting.

How to know you're overreacting?
  1. You have the desire to call the party that "hurt" you 10-20 times in a 2 day span.
  2. You overreact to someone telling you that you're overreacting.
  3. You can't stop thinking about whatever it was that hurt you.
  4. You have your significant other call the person that hurt you to go off on them.
  5. You continuously talk about whatever it is that hurt you.
  6. You're so adamant about telling your side of things that you can't see what you did wrong which hurts and enrages you more.
  7. You think your actions are acceptable and normal when people in the real world would say you're losing it.
How to stop overreacting?
  1. Stop using the excuse of "I have a mental illness"
  2. Shut the fuck up, breathe and actually think about the situation and whether the reactions you're having are considered acceptable, would you want someone doing this to you?
  3. Drink a cup of Earl Grey and calm down before you do or say anything.
  4. Find something to distract you from the "pain."
  5. Call your therapist.
  6. Sit in a room with your favorite music blasting for an hour with no interruptions.
  7. Take a walk and burn off some energy and get the endorphins pumping.
There are many things you can do to stop overreacting, I've only named a few. People prone to overreactions make everyone else feel like they have to walk on eggshells around them. That's just not cool. Other people should be entitled to their opinions. People call me an asshole because I'll call bullshit where I smell it, but it needs to be called. If I think you're overreacting I'll tell you. Listen to those around you. If they're telling you that you're overreacting then you probably are and need to step back from the situation for a little while. And let's just let it be known that I'm still pissed about being told I was grieving wrong, like there is a right way and a proper length.