My family members are doing what they've always done.
My aunt Lynn and I rekindled the relationship we once had. I don't miss Mom as much with Lynn back in my life. We've already shared a lifetime of laughs in the short time we've been reconnected.
I had an involuntary commitment and 3 ex parte orders put on me. The plaintiff's were denied the restraining order. It got brought out that I was not only going to shoot the doctors, the staff and the patients, I was going to murder my ex doctor's children as well. Shit, not just a mass murderer in the making, also a potential baby killer. All because I have bipolar disorder.
It has been getting around that I was going to kill my father in his sleep. Yeah. They sunk that low.
Apparently I hear voices now. Too bad I've never heard them.
I had a bad reaction to Effexor and Effexor XR. I thought I was going to die. I didn't. I got new meds that seem to be doing great.
I have a new GP.
I outed my sex abusers, and confronted one. That pissed a lot of my family off. Few believe me, the rest just think I'm crazy. Maybe I am crazy to the rest of the world. Maybe I am crazy to my family. Who cares. I am me. I have always strove to be myself and I've finally reached the point where I accept me and my illness and the joys and sorrows that entails.
I'm honest if nothing else. That's my downfall.
I think I have the beginnings of Fibromyalgia.
I remember what it's like to feel loved and accepted by the important women in my life.
I started a support/advocacy group. I had to change the name to St. Dymphna's Mental Health Support Group. I intend to slaughter the stigma and ease people's suffering. Nobody has to battle alone again.
I have a new counselor, and he's awesome.
I wrote a letter to the editor, yet to be mailed out:
During the last three months I have been made out to be a potential mass murderer and baby killer.
I was committed and had 3 ex parte orders put on me based on these lies.
Due to the abuse of authority and failure to follow Missouri's laws I lost 5 days at the taxpayer cost of $13,500.40.
The authorities decided that I was a threat without any
input from myself or the two people that know me. They refused to call my father who would know best.
These events have dampened my ability to help reform the mental healthcare system and interfered with my ability to effectively run the support/advocacy group I began for mental health issues.
The bias, ignorance and stigma against mental illness needs to end. This isn't 50 years ago when people like myself (or any of the 1 in 17 Americans living with a serious mental illness) ran the risk of being institutionalized and subjected to shock therapy, ice baths, insulin shock treatment, lobotomized and tranquilized.
We mentally ill have the same constitutional rights as anyone else. Having a mental illness, especially one like Bipolar, is difficult enough without stigma and ignorance.
I had a serious depression.
Thanksgiving Eve rocked my world.
Thanksgiving Day and the following week and a half sucked balls.
I wrote Grandma a letter getting the feelings, thoughts, emotions, anger, hurt out that's been pent up since I can remember.
Grandma's pissed at me, again.
Colored dinner rolls are apparently not fit for consumption at a family gathering. Though for some reason people ate them and took them home.
I have the fire in the pit of my belly again.
I feel human again.
I feel strong... vindicated... valiant...