You're having a rough time right now. Your emotions are going haywire, the stress you're experiencing is dragging you down. You're being forced to face the mortality of your parents. You have more questions than answers and you feel alone.
Did I pretty much nail it?
What you're going through is normal. You're not going crazy, you're beginning the grieving process.
Denial. Nope... can't be dying.
Bartering. Ok I'll give you x, God, if you give me y.
Anger. Oh you're going to get pissed.
Depression. You're going to face clinical depression.
Acceptance. You'll be ok with the death.
Those are the stages of grief as I remember them. It's taken two years to really accept mom's death. Each person grieves different, yet there are similarities.
You're going to experience every step at least once and in probably a random order. You're probably going to experience it many times at random. Sometimes you'll experience two or three steps at the same time such as denial, depression and anger.
You will feel like you're going crazy... and you'll probably believe it. You're not. Take it from a Bipolar ... you're fine. If you do crack I have super glue, silicone, duct tape and jb weld.
You're going to cry a lot. I saved my tears until I took my famous 30 minute shower. It's ok to cry and have emotion and be "weak".
I got your back and I'll be your guide through. You're not alone.