22 December 2012

2012 Apocalypse Survivor!

Well, the apocalypse came and went. People celebrated the solstice yesterday. The moon reflected off of the snow, emitting a curious beauty. Fitting for Winter Solstice.

As I put as my Facebook status: 12-21-12 isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of my new positive life.

A positive life in which I defend the rights of others... especially the mentally ill. I will do my damndest to educate the public and work on destigmatizing mental illness. I will defend my right to live as I see fit. I am a writer, I will write. If you don't like the topic, don't read it... or read it and get educated. A positive life in which I help others because it's the right thing to do. Right is right, wrong is wrong and it's time the wrongdoers get called out. Advocacy. I'm all about advocacy.

I have completed the hardest part of writing historical fiction, now all I have left is to write the books. These will be my legacy. I will leave a huge footprint on this earth.

I've learned that a fulfilling life for me means a life of being an advocate, speaking out, loving my boyfriend, loving those close to me, having a relationship with my Dad, cutting certain people out of my life because they're unhealthy to be around. A fulfilling life is what I make of my life. I won't be happy unless I'm helping others and teaching. It is my destiny. It is what I was put on this earth to do.

All of the shit that I've endured over the last 32 years has stuck with me. I have learned how to turn off the negative memories and flood my brain with the positive ones. Reprogramming my brain. 

For instance, I could be all pissed at Grandma still and destroying myself mentally and emotionally, or I could do what I am doing... forgiving her. 

If I didn't love her I wouldn't have put up with so much, I wouldn't have gotten as happy as I did when I finally found the right Christmas card to give her, I wouldn't have planned her fruit basket (with 2 Milky Way bars) the way I did... hell I wouldn't have gotten Dad to allow me to have the tradition Mom and I started back... we drove all the way to Lowes just so I could get her an Amaryllis bulb kit and window sill strawberries. She's going to have a good Christmas too.

I could be dwelling on the latest incident with Mom's sister. Instead I'm just keeping her at arms length and forgetting she exists. She no longer has any control over my emotions, I have taken that power back.

I could be negatively processing the whole ex parte, babykiller, mass murderer, father killing, involuntary commitment, being lied about because I have Bipolar thing. Or I could do what I'm doing now... I will use the experience to bring positive into the world. I will use it to educate the public and to make the point that we mentally ill have rights that aren't always granted to us. I will be an advocate.

I could be Grinchy and hate the holidays like I usually do. But I'd made my mind up Thanksgiving Eve that I was going to have a good holiday season if it killed me. Instead of harboring ill will and negative memories I'm concentrating on the good things from past holidays and the little things that are happening this year. I mean, come on, my Dad, King of Scrooge Grinchland hung decorations with me... and smiled while doing it. He has a shitton of presents by the tree and the stocking is overflowing, literally... and he still has 3 more presents on the way.

I am accepting my eccentricities as part of me. I'm transitioning from author wannabe to writing a series that I will seriously try to get published. I'm learning to trust Dad. I'm learning that life is what you make of it. If you want a negative high drama life, you're going to get one because of your actions. If you want a positive and peaceful life, you're going to get that because of your actions. The choice is ours. I'm choosing happiness.

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