03 October 2011

All It Took To Set Me The Fuck Off...

Listening to: Chimaira

All it took to set me the fuck off was one name. Jon Spiers. I was having a shitty, down day before I saw his name, then I saw it and immediately wanted to kill someone. Him.

The one person who causes me to black out into a blind rage and I had to see his name on my  nieces Facebook wall. I should just quit Facebook. It causes me more harm and detriment than it does me good. The only reason for staying is because of friends that live far away.

Some little pissant that cannot even spell called me an uneducated asshole. That set me the fuck off. All I did was ask her if she was trying to kill herself since she was drinking and taking Loratab. Excuse the fuck out of me for trying to watch out for a bitch.

Fuck, if I wasn't taking Wellbutrin I'd be downing as much Jagermeister as I possibly could right now. It's been one of those days. But who the fuck cares about what kind of day I'm having? Nobody. That's fucking who.

My niece, in her naivety, cannot see why her getting along with my asshat brothers and their families means I cannot trust her. I can't trust anybody who is their friend or gets along with them. I can't stand them playing the same games on her that they played on me. She'll never understand why I can't completely trust her. It's because she's too trusting. Too fucking forgiving. She's not really taking my side, she just thinks she is.

I'll just continue being the white trash piece of shit asshole this entire fucking family sees me as... at least I'd be being true to myself. I'll never be anything but a white trash asshole. Never have been either. My innocence and trusting was robbed from me at a young age. I knew this fucking family were nothing but rabid hyenas. Then I have my niece trying to get too close, trying to cling to me. Suffocating me. What happens if I let her too close and she ends up being like the rest of the assholes in the family? I end up looking like even more of an asshole for trusting anyone with the last name Spiers. Spiers is a shitty name. I should totally change my name, or better yet, just fucking kill myself and save myself the pain of another 40 years.

3 comments:

  1. I care what kind of day you had, Sarah. I'm sorry it sucked; in fact, I understand how rough it is to have yet another place invaded by people you don't trust.
    In any case, block the bastard right away, so he can't see a damn thing you say or do.

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  2. I care too. I don't think I have written before, but I do read. Listening and thinking of you. P

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