27 September 2011
One year ago on this date at 5:17 a.m. I died with her. I was feeling the effects of two major losses. I figured out who my real friends were. I figured out who really cared about Mom. Let's just say she had many fairweather friends who didn't bother showing up to the wake.
I had the support of a friend who would later betray me by ending the friendship. I still mourn the loss of my mother. I still have ill feelings toward the lying bastard that said he would always be my friend, proved himself worthy while I was in the darkest part of my life, then took it all back, ripping me apart worse than my boyfriend ever could.
One year ago I lost my biggest fan. Mom wasn't always my fan. She used to abuse the living shit out of me until I was about 22. Then she decided I was a human with value and worth, something the rest of my "elders" still haven't figured out. Mom grew to see the talent of the written word I possess and eventually tried her best to encourage me to make something out of myself by writing. Even at her end when I grew into death and black metal she encouraged me. She didn't understand it, the lifestyle or the lyrics, she just knew that it was a release for me, which is something not very many people understand.
One year ago I lost my Mom. The hole will never be filled.