09 July 2011

Ups and Downs

I sit here rather pissed at the moment, trying to relax to Belphegor.

I've had a tough week as far as everything goes. Right now it's just easy as hell to piss me off. I keep cycling from mild manic to mild depressed. Today is apparently agitated manic. And in looking for my headphones in Dad's desk I found my missing pornos. Not that they'd do me any good, my medicine has completely zapped my libido. Yay for Dave and I.

My estranged aunt and I came into contact after months of not speaking. I discovered she looks too much like Mom. All she wanted to talk about was the dysfunction on her side of the family that her and Mom grew up with, then remind me that I wasn't the only one that got hit and tried to defend Dad by saying he tried to defend me. He never tried to defend me. His version of teasing fucked me up royally and he allowed my piece of shit brothers to be hypercritical and follow his flavor of teasing.

Then I got into it tonight with her daughter, likely because she thinks I'm snitching. I'm impressed that she read my holiday blog. I'm impressed anyone reads this thing. She told me I made my point clear... good. And while I'm making points I can have whoever the fuck I want in my life. Fortunately there's very few I want in my life. Aunt and cousin pending decision. I'm still pissed at how the whole Mom dying thing went down with those two. I ended up getting an F in German because I couldn't do my homework by the way. Hope you're happy. Now I have to waste another 3 credit hours fixing it so I can go on with my studies. Then again, I actually give a fuck about finishing school with a better GPA than my current bipolar/dying parent induced 2.5.

I've had 2 shitty nights of sleep. Thursday night I swear I heard Mom yelling at me to do something for her. I woke up every hour Thursday night. Didn't sleep well last night either. Probably won't sleep well tonight. I can hardly wait to try. It should be a ton of fun.


  1. Sheesh. Good to hear you're cycling in a mild zone now, that's a lot better than swinging into deadly areas.

    I guess you need a locking footlocker for private stuff.

    be careful visiting family. I'd hate to see you triggered toviolence to yourself or others.

  2. Either a locking footlocker or someone needs to stop cleaning my truck out. I agree on the swinging in mild zones, so much better than being suicidal or wanting to beat the shit out of everything that walks wrong. That's why I'm undecided on who I want in my life or not, I don't need unnecessary triggers in my life.