04 July 2011

Relatives and Holidays.

We celebrated the Fourth on the Second. Amazingly enough my family was somewhat behaved toward me... that was probably because there were other people to pick on. The biggest cringe/want to stab moment was when the little ginger kid was throwing a fit because he couldn't go outside (he was overheated) and Grandma in her infamous ways said "Oooooh those tears come quick don't they?" I wanted to smack her. It's a good thing the kid probably couldn't understand what she said. I took enough of the shit like that as a kid when I couldn't understand it and when I could understand the insults being hurled at me.

The brother that lives close came for dinner and fireworks at Grandma's with the rest of us. His wife cut her hair and I didn't recognize her so I was glaring at her trying to figure out what strange bitch my brother had and wondering if his wife knew he had the strange bitch with him. Oops. No I wasn't drunk, her haircut changed her appearance that much and she didn't talk so I couldn't peg her for her voice. Yes, I face palmed.

I guess Dad's side of the family can get along with me as long as we're blowing shit up. This is probably the first get together ever that I was not the target of insults and belittlement... at least not to my face. Maybe they're finally learning that I fight back.

Somehow it got brought up that both of my counselors want me to have a dialogue with Dad about our arguing, what it does to me, how it makes me feel, etc.. to which the response was, we don't fight. Granted we haven't fought lately (probably because I used most of my $300 on food) but that doesn't stop the fact that when we do fight he hits below the belt as soon as he can and as much as he can and pushes every single button imaginable... especially badmouthing Mom. That sets me off quicker than anything else. I'm thinking of writing him a letter with all the shit in it. I'm better at getting my point across by written word rather than spoken.

Apparently there's still tension between the two warring factions involved in the molestation case (which goes to trial later this month). What one side doesn't realize is small children don't usually make this shit up, and I can totally fuck up that side's day by telling them about their son molesting me from 8-13, not that I would be believed by anybody in this dysfunctional family. It'll all come out in the book I'm authoring at the moment anyway. I personally believe the victim and think the one side needs to wake up to reality.

Factions are warring on Mom's side as well. One person can't see that she's abusive and needs psychological help as bad as my fucked up brain does, the other can't see that she neglected her kids enough that foster care has them and she needs psychological help as well. DFS doesn't just arbitrarily take children away. Then again there are plenty of kids that DFS should take that they don't. Personally I think they should all be in foster care and away from the dysfunction of the family until some epiphanies are made.

Both sides of my family are completely messed up. I fell victim to both sides, including my immediate family. I hate to see other children being sucked into the lifeless void of my family.

As you can tell my give a shit is busted. I just don't care about anything anymore... and I'm not about to hold back when I see injustice.

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