07 June 2011
It's been awhile.
Interpersonal relationships have never been my strong suit. All of my friends go as quick as they come. I'm surprised Dave's still around. That's probably because he doesn't have to deal with me 24-7 or when shit's really piled up on me. Dave has the liberty and leisure of only having to be there when it's convenient for him. Even then it's hell spending time with him when I'm depressed. I think that's because he doesn't understand what it's like to be in my shoes, and he never will understand. Maybe he wants to fix it. He can't. Nobody can. I can't just snap out of it either. If I could snap out of it, don't you think I would have by now? The medicine is helping a little bit, but I'm still depressed, especially when I think of how few people I have in my life... and how much I want Frank back in it. I guess he doesn't have the time or patience for me anymore, which is a shame and makes me feel stupid for allowing him to get close enough for me to open up to him. Stupid enough to open up to anybody. All it ever leads to is pain and disappointment.
You'd think the two counselors and medicine would be working by now and I'd be over Frank abandoning me. Guess not. I guess he's never going to speak to me again... which sucks. Maybe him telling me he liked conversing with me was a lie. I never can tell when someone's just trying to be nice to me, and when they actually mean it. I've been burned that many times.