05 May 2011
Isolated Once Again
Probably because a part of me still pined for him. He had the balls to tell me he had hoped that had gone away by now. Well no, it didn't. It lessened, I started waking up and seeing things that drive me up the wall, I started seeing him as a fallible human, and one that probably wasn't as compatible for me as I had thought a long time ago.
Yes Sire, as you hinted at yesterday, my emotions and my brain are all fucked up. I doubt it's fixable. I doubt I'll ever be normal like you. I doubt I'll have someone fall madly in love with me, ever... so excuse the fuck out of me for being jealous that you have a life and I never will, no matter how hard I try. If I knew why my friends keep their distance from me I'd let you know, but now you've joined their ranks, ignoring me, being too busy for me, unable to deal with my emotional side, whatever the fucking problem is, I'm sure it's all my fault.
As you disappear from my life I'm left to my usual isolated, friends that won't do anything with me, tortured existence. Thanks for the ride and thanks for telling me I was never the type of friend you'd have dinner with and it was a one sided friendship. That made me feel fucking excellent. And since you're dodging my calls to spend time with the new girlfriend, I only called to apologize for reacting so badly, but now I'm pissed and hurt again so fuck that. You don't see it, but I do... your back, walking away from me.