22 May 2011

Down

I've remained down lately. I've been really anxious and irritated. The bad dreams are back. I feel like I'm in a dazed rut that I'll never get out of... depression, it's a killer. It grabs hold of your throat and doesn't let go. It reminds you of all of your failures. It tells you things like you're worthless. It makes you feel worthless. It makes you feel psychotic. It makes you wonder if you shouldn't be locked away in the lunatic ward for years and years. Then we have Cognitive Behavior Therapy. It does work for a mind like mine, it just takes more work than other people. It's difficult to differentiate between rational and irrational thinking right now. I guess that's what the take home sheets I got are to help with, figuring out rational from irrational. Lots of my thoughts are irrational at the moment. I still can't see how I'm not a failure.

In good news Dave and I are going great and summer session starts May 31.

6 comments:

  1. Sarah, what would your mom say if you told her you felt like a total failure? I'm not your mom, and I'm certainly no psychotherapist, but I can tell you that every successful person has had numerous failures but they just got right back in the saddle again. We, especially we women, are taught not to blow our own horns, but I bet you have a lot of things in your life you can be proud of, things you are good at, things you can do better than most, people you have helped, life episodes you feel good about, things you would say were successes if you saw these same traits in others. You has a good reason for not doing well in school last semester; the illness and death of your mom. Most so-called normal people would have trouble functioning under such stress and sadness. I think you just need to cut yourself a little slack. School is almost ready to start back up again, you are on new meds, and you say Dave is being good to you, so just go in with an attitude that you've got more going on in your favor this time. You can do it!!!

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  2. Thanks Beverly. It's not just school I feel I've failed at, it's life in general. I'm sure I'll get over it at some point. 2 counselors has to be better than one, right?

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  3. No one is a failure, we must all discover our talents and destiny in life while trying to survive this thing called life. Many including myself have been in your position and it's not easy to be there but trudge on we must for other's sake. Hopefully things continue to go well with Dave and additional glimmers of light peek through every day!!!

    http://erinsdomain.blogspot.com

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  4. Thanks David. I'm just down. Been going through a lot. The dissolution of my best friendship is killing me slowly.

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  5. Hopefully you're hanging in there and your friendships are still friendships. There are always regrets with friends, we do what we're able to maintain relationships and hope for the best. Life is tough no doubt, I've got plenty of scars to prove it. Take care!!

    http://erinsdomain.blogspot.com

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  6. I'm hanging in, barely but I'm still standing. I get sick of life being tough. It would be nice for things to go smooth for once. You take care too!

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