30 April 2011


Internet was shot for a bit. Not much change, I'm still depressed, though I think it's getting a little better. I actually laughed at a tv show tonight. Been awhile since that's happened. Still trying for disability, that's adding stress to the situation. Still going to get D's or F's in all but one of my classes. I just have to deal with it. I should pass the one class that was the most important one. Been having issues with sleep. Either I'm asleep by 8:30 and wake up at 11 pm or I'm just awake like I am tonight. One thing's for certain, I've been having the feeling of "why do I have to be alive" lately. It's probably associated with my stubbornness in believing I'll never get into grad school. It kinda hurts to have dreams destroy themselves right in front of your eyes.


  1. (((hugs))) It ain't over until the fat lady sings, Sarah. And I'm not about to inflict my voice on anyone just yet. ;)

    Ds, we can deal with. They suck, but they can be dealt with. Disability's another matter. That needs more than a few deep breaths but it'll come. If I can score an out-of-warranty promise for Apple.com to pay for a new logic board for my computer, then you can convince some pencil-pushing jumped-up typist at Disabilities that you deserve fair hearing. You're smarter than I am. You're going to university!

    You'll get to grad school. It might take you a day or two longer than it would take someone who's not bipolar, but you'll get there. I have absolute faith in your stubborness to succeed.

    Now, this is unasked for advice, I know, but maybe you're looking too far down the road? You don't need to worry about grad school yet. Take smaller steps, one class at a time and when "Grad School" starts creeping up on you, say "Cancel, cancel" and refocus on one class, one assignment, one paragraph at a time.

    Having to deal with a government office about mental illness is like being in a dog-and-pony show. You have to sigh, take a deep breath, and jump through one more hoop. But only one hoop. Each time you do what they tell you to do, politely remind them that they're supposed to be paying you a disability stipend. Just don't tell them that the money isn't coming out of their paychecks. They like to have their little pipedreams, too. ;)

    (((hugs))) One step, succeed, take another step. Even if that success is only surviving one more day.

  2. Laughing is am improvement so yeah for you!!! Put this term behind you and concentrate on the next as good grades are awaiting you, grad school is certainly not out of the picture. Baby steps baby steps!!!! Have a good weekend:)