06 March 2011

Breakdown Continues Day 3

I'm crying. I have no idea why I'm crying. I'm sick of this shit. When the fuck does it end? When can I be happy, loved, admired, adored, not fucking depressed? When is my best friend going to have time for me without me begging first? When is the pain going to go away? When will my heart fill back in? Why can people see good in me when I see nothing of importance or worth? When will I get to fucking see it? I can't see shit through these fucking tears that won't go away. Why did he have to change his routine so I couldn't have him when I needed him the most? Why have I been crying and sleeping the last 2 days? Why should I expect to be any better tomorrow? Or the next day, or the day after that? Why can't people fucking see this is my life for the next 45 years. Lots of torment, pain, torture, sadness, tears. Very little happiness. What happiness happens is fake. It never outlasts the demon dog with his fangs in my throat. When will this fucking pain and emptiness go away!?!?!?!? When will the fangs be removed from my fucking carotids? When can I be me again? Never, that's when. I'm destined to this shit.

Death Bell

Oh how I long for the death bell
To relieve me from this hell -
This darkness that has befell
Upon my soul - The daemon yell!


The corroded bell strikes thrice
And the daemons within are enticed -
Pulling my soul, ripping it twice
And thricemore. They must be precise.

Their talons claw and teeth gnash
At my pained essence! Oh so brash!
The evil daemons strike and thrash
Until they have me castigated to mash.


Oh death bell! Bring me repose!
Throw my body in a round barrow
After they've given my deathblow
From within the foggy hollows.

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