16 February 2011

Alive and on Wellbutrin

I'm still alive. It's been a rough week without anti-depressants. Saw the doc today and she gave me Wellbutrin.

This looks like it could be a fun drug. Naturally, I know that side effects often go away in a couple of weeks, but I can make fun of the list anyway. NCBI Bupropion.

Bupropion may cause side effects. Tell your doctor if any of these symptoms are severe or do not go away: drowsiness, excitement, dry mouth, dizziness, headache, nausea, vomiting, uncontrollable shaking of a part of the body, weight loss, constipation, excessive sweating.

I may end up quitting smoking and can't drink no more. Wondering if the Hydroxycut Max for Women is a good idea, though it looks like I may lose weight with this medicine anyway. I'm already twitchy and have been dizzy and lightheaded for some time, Klonopin makes me want to sleep anyway, but I'm looking forward to not being able to take a shit!

You, your family, or your caregiver **COUGH - FRANK, LINDA - COUGH** should call your doctor right away if you experience any of the following symptoms: Be sure that your family or caregiver knows which symptoms may be serious so they can call the doctor if you are unable to seek treatment on your own.
new or worsening depression;
thinking about harming or killing yourself, or planning or trying to do so;
extreme worry;
panic attacks;
difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep;
aggressive behavior;
acting without thinking;
severe restlessness;
and frenzied abnormal excitement.

Well, I'm already depressed, I tend to be agitated, prone to panic in crowds, sleeping is always a give or take, I'm already a pissy person, I twitch a lot, I've been told I worry about shit too much and frenzied abnormal excitement seems like regular manic to me. I also scare people, though I don't usually exhibit aggressive behavior unless I'm in the "agitated manic" phase.

Some side effects can be serious. If you experience any of the following symptoms or those listed in the IMPORTANT WARNING section, call your doctor immediately: I already have paranoia and irrational fears, hence being locked up last week and the rapid, pounding heartbeat happens when I'm high manic. At least I don't normally hallucinate. I'm sure many people would love it if my throat and tongue swelled so I'd shut up for a minute or two, the other meds make me confused already. Edema of the extremities sounds fun though! So do seizures!

hallucinating (seeing things or hearing voices that do not exist)
irrational fears
rash or blisters
swelling of the face, throat, tongue, lips, eyes, hands, feet, ankles, or lower legs
difficulty breathing or swallowing
chest pain
muscle or joint pain
rapid, pounding, or irregular heartbeat!

All in all I'm just hoping this shit works. Being locked up, even for a day or two sucks, haldol sucks worse, and well, I just fucking hate being locked up like a zoo animal answering the same questions a million times while under the influence of some powerful drugs.

Being 3 people in the same body and not having whatever they call multiple personality disorder is not fun at all. At least the MPD people switch from person to person and don't seem to know they're switching.

I am intelligent and aware enough to know when I'm slipping into being psychotic.

Admittedly, sometimes I don't realize how hard or far I'm slipping until it's too late - especially with the paranoia and fear of abandonment (like last week according to Frank).

Sometimes I have no clue how the fuck to stop it or what to do. I'd prefer avoid institutionalizing myself again, thank you very much. I guess I'm learning as much as I'm teaching.


  1. I was going to say yep it might help ya quit smoking(not) but for depression.....tell Dr. Franenstein(sp) to offer something else DAMMIT. Girl I am mildly depressed and it didn't work for me.......YOU NEED DIFFERENT MEDS ASAP!!! But on the lighter side, I think it's on walmart's $4. list!! What a bargain huh??

  2. Sorry you're going through such a difficult time in your life, hope the meds give you a glimmer of hope. Sending positive vibes your way and thanks for sharing your thoughts on this terrible illnes!! Take care, David

  3. (((hugs))) Hang tight, Rage. Not everyone goes through the same side effects every time. I had a couple of them, each for a couple of days, and then I got things sorted out. It's a bugger, though, when my only two "vices" are taken care of by this drug. I can't have the occasional Irish whiskey and I'm bound to end up quitting smoking. I don't swear, as a rule, so I'm either going to end up dead or in the loony bin for keeps.